I’m going to let you in on what, at the time, was a very painful experience in my career and one of the biggest learning curves for me to date. It’s the time I was built up to receive a promotion but instead it went to someone else.
So I’m minding my business working away as you do and go on to have a conversation with my manager where said manager tells me about a role they’re thinking to create. They tell me I’d be a really good fit for it and given my career aspirations, it would align well. They tell me they are still working it all out so not to tell anyone about it as it’ll take some time to finalise the role but I’d be kept updated. I go away chuffed because it’s a more senior role that could give me some good experience / exposure and how nice is it that my manager spoke to ME about it. Some months pass and I get an update on the role. It’s a slightly different title to what was initially discussed and seems less senior than what was previously discussed but hey it’s still more senior than my current role and pays more! It’s not exactly aligned with my career aspirations but it could still provide some good experience.
There’s an application process. I go for it. I go through a test and interview for it. Some time passes and it’s time to get an update on the outcome of the role. I come in to the office and notice one of my colleagues gives me a look – one that I can’t quite pin (but I will soon enough). My manager takes me to a meeting room to go over the outcome. I am told I have not been successful and am provided some feedback. The person who has been successful in attaining the role is less experienced than I am. I now know what that look was my colleague gave to me, pity and embarrassment for me. Wow. And this is all just at the start of my day so I have to go through the rest of my working day carrying the weight of this news. My anger. My shock. My embarrassment. So what did I do?
In that moment, I hiked up my big girl pants, congratulated the person who had successfully acquired the role and got on with the rest of my day. I fell in line.
When the day ended and I went home, I fell apart. I cried…a lot. I complained about it non-stop in my personal life. This would go on for days, weeks, months even. I was embarrassed and each day I grew increasingly bitter still incredulous at how this could happen. I was inconsolable.
What was even more shocking to me was when I found out subsequently that the latter conversations my manager had with me were not unique. Those conversations had taken place with others – to what extent, I don’t know. I do know others had also been invited to apply for the role – the role which I had known about for months before it even manifested. Now to be clear, what was painful about this was not my manager encouraging multiple people to apply for the role – nothing wrong with that. It was the events preceding this. It’s one thing to apply for a role and be unsuccessful but it’s another to go for a role having been made to believe it’s been carved out for you specifically only to be knocked back – that’s just brutal. Thereafter, I was even asked to train the newly promoted colleague on some areas of the job that were required for the role given I was more experienced. Shake my head.
I remained professional at work of course all the while hunting for new jobs. I lost respect for my manager after this. The situation could have played out so differently had they been transparent from the start. Times like these will expedite any decisions you’ve been apprehensive about and/or give you very clear direction on your next steps. It was clearer to me more than ever that it was time to move on. So I did. Then I never looked back.
What I learnt from that experience has stayed with me and as I reflected on it I thought I’d put pen to paper so to speak:
- People can promise you the world but nothing is guaranteed.
- If it’s not in writing it’s not official.
- Bad news, when the recipient works with you, is best delivered at a time when they’ll have the time and space to digest.
- If I manage my own expectations and set them low then I am less likely to be disappointed.
Have you been through a similar experience? What was your takeaway?
All my best,
