It’s been 10 years since I ditched the relaxer life and decided to go natural – can’t believe it! Let me set the scene real quick. It’s September 2009. I’m at the hairdresser’s getting my hair relaxed for what, unknown to me at the time, would be my last time! My hairdresser is holding my hair and just tells me as it is; that my hair isn’t in a good place and that I need to start all over again? Confused and mortified I initially think there’s noooo way! My natural hair was too tough. A widely held sentiment across our population at the time. Going natural was not an option…ever. But somehow by the end of my visit, I left with the feeling of hope after having made the decision that I would not relax my hair again. I was under the impression I’d just straighten it regularly anyway for the straight look – simples right. LOL oh the sweet naive innocence. I had no idea what I was about to walk into and without being melodramatic, that my life was about to change forever.
I thought I’d just grow my relaxer out and chop off the relaxed parts when my natural hair was long enough. Well turns out I didn’t have much patience for that. I transitioned for all of six months then in March 2010, having had enough of maintaining both relaxed hair and the regrowth, I asked a friend to chop all the perm off. I remember her asking “are you sure?”. The answer was a resounding “yes!”. That’s my big chop story. She helped me straighten my hair (although it did little good). Being unaware of the phenomenon of shrinkage, I slept that night and attempted to wear my hair out the next day. My look was not met with the most positive reception – unsurprising given I looked like a porcupine. I was gutted. Fortunately, I soon discovered the world of YouTube. I don’t remember what exactly I went in searching for initially. I knew I was committed to growing healthy hair, I just needed to learn how.
At the time, we were just on the cusp of the natural hair revolution so at that point going natural was not a realistic an option in most people’s eyes – it just wasn’t even considered. So here I was rocking a very unstylish TWA (teeny weeny afro) to the bemusement of those around me. Then as time passed and the revolution set in, I started seeing attitudes change and others started to do the same thing. I remember dropping a picture on Facebook (whew chile you can tell this was a while back if I’m talking about using FB seriously) a couple of years into my journey of my fro which had gone from a cute TWA to a considerable mane of hair and was flooded with positivity. My hair growth was like magic to me (see my froback (geddit 😀 ) pics below). Having had a regular relaxer (every 2-3 months) for as long as I could remember and being uneducated regarding appropriate relaxed hair maintenance, I had never really seen my hair grow much beyond the tiny bit of regrowth I’d get in between relaxers which lengthened my hair ever so slightly but this length would be swiftly trimmed away anyway. Every time. So seeing my hair grow to shoulder length and beyond in 2 years with little intervention from me was quite the miracle. I even had edges now – wheeeew! Those around me observed this growth and the resulting healthy hair and suddenly I had people approaching me about my experience and advice on going natural. It was honestly such a beautiful thing to witness and experience (it still is but of course it’s more normalised now). Black girls, black women, queens embracing their hair for what it is and rocking it defying the mainstream beauty standards. YouTube blew up. We started seeing more people with their natural hair in the media even. This turned the tide from a consumer perspective too so we started seeing products catered to our hair in stores! 10 years ago I could not go to my local Afro-Caribbean hair store and find natural hair products – I’d be laughed out of the store. Now there are so many of them you can easily spend a good sum of time trying to choose from the selection. Whew. A whole phenomenon. What a ride.
During my personal hair journey, I’ve had highs and lows but funnily enough never did I once look back to a relaxer. Once I started on my mission for healthy hair, I was committed to that and seeing my hair grow the way it did was such a rewarding experience. Plus my hair is relatively fine so the straight look really does not work for me (I’ve tried it trust me not a good look).
It must sound odd when I say going natural changed my life but it really did. I mean aside from investing in my hair care it really helped me re-define what I see beauty as and even how I see myself. It’s one of the best decisions I’ve made and I wasn’t even really cognisant of what I was doing at the time. I’m incredibly proud of my journey so far and look forward to the journey ahead.
To celebrate my 10 years, here are 10 things I learned along the way:
- Hair grows, who knew ?
- Product junkyism is real & imo a very important part of the journey – splurging on various products, testing them out on your hair and finding what works is important in exploring and familiarising yourself with your hair in the early stages.
- 4C hair don’t care – I’m proud to be part of the 4C gang and let me tell you, the hair don’t care for you and what you think it should look like or do; think you’re going to do a cute little hairstyle…maybe so, but maybe not. You just have to deal with it.
- YouTube hair and my hair…very different – this was a hard lesson to learn. I don’t think I realised it but the time when I discovered YouTube most of those who I followed did not have my type of hair (4C fine to medium). Every time I tried out a hairstyle or product, the result never looked anything like what I’d seen in the video. Then one day the penny dropped. From that moment on I re-framed how I viewed the videos and my own hair.
- Stay in your lane – following on from my last point, I’ve learned to embrace my own kinks just as they are. I’ve learned work to my own hair’s strengths and not others’- my hair and my experience with my hair is better off for it.
- Black hair care is work periodt – a common line of thought with regards to natural hair (often viewed as a reason to not go down this route) is that it takes a lot of work. This isn’t untrue but it’s not the full picture. Any hair with a coarser texture takes relatively more effort and time where haircare and maintenance is concerned. Having donned a variety of styles – natural, relaxed, wigs etc. – you either spend time on washing and air drying or regular treatments or prep/installing. Our natural hair is unique and beautiful. A lot of work (at times) but a lot of glory – the game is the game.
- Keep it simple – as the years have gone by, my approach to my hair care and maintenance has simplified (less products, less manipulation etc.) which has worked out for the better for me.
- Protective styling is a must – the absolute must for me here is keeping my mane protected. This means most times my hair is not wild and free, it’s tucked in a bun, updo, twists etc. I see better length retention that way and less tangling!
- Trims are not the enemy – I had grown to despise trims based on my earlier experience of them during my relaxed days. During my time being natural however I discovered they really are a game changer. Dry, brittle, uncooperative hair is tamed after a just few snips. They really are your best friend – healthy hair over length any day!
- Perseverance is key – I’m quite
stubbornstrong-willed and so for me often when I’ve committed to something that’s it. Being natural has been trying at many points but most of the time it’s because I’m trying to get my hair to do something it’s not meant to do. I spent most of my life relaxed so sometimes I have to remind myself and take a step back to review exactly what I’m trying to achieve and why. Then I have a light-bulb moment and it’s all good.
Honestly, I have no regrets and really wouldn’t change a thing about my journey. My hair is my crown so I’ve learned (and continue to learn) to treat it and wear it like one.
Happy days 😀
How about you? What’s your story?
All my best,
Very good read.
Thank you!