Growing up black and British has been interesting. I do think there has been a natural journey of self discovery with time and it’s funny how you can look back on certain situations with a completely different perspective especially when armed with more knowledge and understanding. The topic of identity and heritage came to mind recently and how it has factored in my life. I look back and definitely feel there’s been an experience of gradual self discovery and self acceptance for myself and the wider community.
I remember growing up, in school for example being African altogether was a taboo and shameful – certainly not something to be proud of. Being Caribbean was the “in” thing at the time – you’d get people donning strained Caribbean (typically Jamaican) accents and switching their African names to something less so (e.g. Seun to Sean/Shawn – comment below for any other name change throwbacks!) to avoid being made fun of. As kids/teens at the time, the significance of this act didn’t really occur to us but looking back it is actually quite sad.
I myself didn’t really have that option even if I wanted it – my last name (O-k-o-r-o-n-k-w-o) is boldly African (specifically Nigerian/Igbo *cue fanfare*) and a dead giveaway; there wasn’t an obvious way to transform it so not much point there. I do remember at some point later wanting to change my last name to my mother/grandmother’s maiden name (an English one) so that people would find it easier to pronounce. I think between the Os, Ks and random consonants mixed in there, it presents quite the stumbling block for people which at the time I found quite tedious. Now I look back and think, imagine wanting to change my identity to make other people comfortable!
Nevertheless, I did give it a fair bit of thought and did some research. When I figured out the bureaucracy involved in changing one’s name however, I quickly dropped that idea – ain’t nobody got time for that. Although I have to say I still held on to the thought that I would have the opportunity to adopt a simpler (more Anglo Saxon) surname at some point until a few years ago. I’d probably say it was my natural hair journey actually encouraged this shift. Hair is obviously a big deal in the black community and not one I’ll go into in this post but you can read a little more on my journey here. It is a huge part of our identity as black people and a distinct feature to us. Embarking on that journey, allowed me to better understand my identity as a black woman and my African heritage. As I came into my own I was keen to ensure I was unraveling the social constructs embedded in me from western society that quietly tell us to mask our difference and assimilate. I wanted to ensure there wasn’t an erasure of my being black/Nigerian/Igbo because it’s not something to be ashamed of or dilute so others feel more comfortable. This shift has made me more more confident in who I am.
As the daughter of an immigrant (that makes me 2nd generation immigrant) something that never ceases to stun me is the sheer determination, grit, and resilience of my mum and other African parents in diaspora particularly. Do you know what it is to uproot your whole life and means of living to go to a different country/continent and start from the scratch, be treated as nothing despite your former qualifications and credentials??! Having to work and hustle multiple odd jobs, crazy hours and navigate through a hostile system to ensure your children have the opportunity of a better life. Name me a more iconic and heroic group of people – I dare you.
Our parents certainly did not persevere as they did and give us this incredible opportunity only for us to be embarrassed of our identity. I think being unapologetic about who we are is to also be proud of them and recognise their contribution to who we are now.
Anyway, I do enjoy declaring my surname now and no longer wince when it’s time for someone to pronounce it. I actually find it quite amusing now observing people squirm and stumble around trying to figure out how to make it through the first few letters let alone the full name.
Thankfully being African is celebrated now in the black British community. Being Nigerian is no longer something to be hidden and rightly so! Nigerians are absolutely hilarious. Think of parents, uncles and aunties – between their sarcasm and their quick wit there’s no shortage of laughter when they’re involved.
I remember when my (Nigerian) pastor told us one day that Nigerians make up 1/4 of the world’s black population. Admittedly I thought this was an exaggeration (because as a people we are known for our heavy use of hyperbole ?). I had to Google it and when I did I found out it was no joke. The figure sits at roughly 20-30%. I was floored. Y’all need to put some respect on our name please – we really be carrying the rest of the black population on our backs. I jest I jest ?
It did suddenly make sense why it feels like Nigerians are EVERYWHERE. Even in the most obscure parts of the world if there are black people you can bet there is a Nigerian amongst them or at least one on the horizon.
Anyway, I now appreciate my African/Nigerian/Igbo background and certainly wouldn’t choose to be anything other than what I am.
PS – happy 60th Independence to all my Naija peoples dems ?
All my best,
Message from the author
If you’re wondering “Hey Cindy, where you been at (and I’m sure you’re not ?)? I’m a reflective person so while I may have things in draft I only share when I feel it’s ready to publish. Hopefully you enjoy the read regardless. Thanks for stopping by 😀
Fantastic read. I can relate on so many levels. I really wish I embraced my culture more as a child. We can’t go back in time but we can encourage our kids to be proud of who they are and where they come from. ?
Thank you! And absolutely agree we can do more for the next gen ??